Change the record!

I moved from planet side to the adventure of New Eden some months ago.
My days have been filled with contracts, asteroids and talking to agents trying to negotiate a better return on whatever foolhardy mission they offer.

Missions went well and I soon built a rapport with my agents, now, in no time at all I've been offered level 5 certain death missions. I politely declined.

#Sigh#

of course I had tried to avoid the voice in my head for some time, but it grew louder and more persistent.

Sat in the bar at yet another Caldari space station, making polite conversation with a very enthusiastic miner " ohh yeah the Omber roids, like 500m across maybe twenty of 'em.."
"Really.." oh its getting harder and harder to fake an interest.

My ears are trained on a group in the corner of the bar; they are drinking hard and talkin' large.
At first I write off he hubbub as drunken yabber, the details aren't important, but what strikes me is the enthusiasm. They are talking up a storm, reliving some battle and hootin' with laughter as one very unlikely individual acts out some kind of battle. Weaving and whooshing his hands around, slopping his drink too and fro. It's all very engaging ...

Militia? perhaps, but they are bit ragtag I ponder, pirates then? perhaps. The thought process is cut short! very short! a blinding flash and intense heat scald my face, instinct overrides all.

Thermite?? feck me, someone just popped a thermite grenade into the bar, the screams and panic are primal, people are burning as the therm' bites through them. My eyes are watering hard and full vision is a long way off, four very large thuds land on me and beside me, it would seem that others had joined me on the wrong side of the bar.
The voices I recognise, the hubbub lads.
"feck me!! feck me!! Look at this f*ck, he's all over the show.
"I recognise him, he's that runner Ludo, he's not one of them, don’t blast him"

Trying to talk and fearing the worst would still happen nothing but incoherent noise is created, the explosion had assaulted my senses.

"Lets get out of here, Xfire, get eyes on the main entrance, Vance back him up. LUDO, can you move? Krystal med pack now...Krys’ find us a back door NOW!!"

Fire burned my veins and my temples thump, vision is slammed back into focus and I have a Power!!, "what the f*ck happened?, where, what’s going on?.."

" I stabbed you with a triple booster jab. you got about twenty to get safe before you black out for a day or two..First time eh?? You numpty.." he thumps a fist down in joy!

Until now I hadn't really noticed the roar of noise, slamming of rounds, the heat, the blood and an overwhelming fear in the bar..a cloud works the room on several levels a baroque surrealistic landscape forms and roles away
"you're so calm..."

"nineteen minutes!! GO!"
"where?"
" I GOT US A ROUTE!!...ON ME YOU F*CKERS"

My vision curled and my senses pulsed in and out, vomit issued, fear, panic, but most off all the will to survive..

A hand grabs my collar then another under my arm.
"were taking him..."
"fuck him Brass, we don’t know him, he's not one of us.."
"Were taking him!!."
" GO GO GO!!.."

No more questions, as I whirled through the air, my feet and legs dragging holding me back, down corridors, past people cowering, rubble, through a hole in the wall and another ’weird’ I think, how did he make a hole through the building, air cold..spot lights of a transport park, that sound, like the air being sucked out and crunching pulse like marching on gravel, the unmistakable sound of a Ishkur drop ship.

Black cloud envelops me, a cloud of adrenaline, a cloud off booster, and finally a cloud of unconsciousness.

Who's that knocking??

Ping! Pang Zing....CLANG!!

Damn!...thats those crazy Gallente gate guns again. It seems that the Gallente nation have a bit of a boner for me! It would also appear that some of it's citizens have inherited that boner.

Ok, lets stop this, I've never pirated anyone..., all I have done is whored my sole and whatever ship I had to the Caldari Navy, now every one has to earn an ISK? I'm basically a nice guy, just trying to make my way....

Crizzzzzzfrapp!! dangga dangga dangggaa...

'Who's that flashy red mo fo?' I pondered...
'Who cares'..I answered as the gate guns decided that his act of agression against me was indeed worth punishing...

The shields on 'The Mary Rose' easily absorbed his pitiful onslaught...but not five seconds past before my would be assailent hit the 'Adios Amigo' button and warped out.

'Interesting'I pondered as I carried on my journey to meet buddy in Hek.


Open>.Ship's Log

03/11/2008

This whole ugly thing, I kind of like it, I like the way people think I'm a gay looking evil buffoon.
If that means they take me for a fool then actually I'm happy about that.

My Doctor said I should address my ugly feelings, so I thought I'd air them in the ships log. That way if I get 'slotted' one day at least my close friends will understand my inner turmoil.

He mentioned I should address 'Ugly' and learn to love myself...
At this point I popped Mr. Maker out to fully explore his theory...the Dr. looked seriously surprised and decided to clarify his previous woefully inadequate suggestion...I popped Mr.M back in his house...

Anyway that was the end of that session for the day.

End>.Ships Log

New Arrival

As a Caldari male good looks were unlikely to befall me, it’s true and a fact we get used to at an early age. Conversely and by some devilish hand of genetics our women are universally acknowledged as ‘Fine ass foxes’
How cruel is that?
Image it if you dare…you’re so ugly that a rancid baboon’s arse has a better chance of getting a date…and the only women on your home planet can, and do, take the pick of the universes Hunkathon Generals!!
This my friends is why Caldari males grow up with a bitterly dry sense of humour and an inbuilt hatred of all you Hunkathon Generals out there in New Eden.

L.E